Dream of living a harmonious life with nature: Personal yearning :)

Its a path we are beginning as a couple, Vibhuti and me. However we hope we find a community to do this together with, because it will be simply more fun. In this blog, I wish to share with you why I/we intend to do this. And what is the dream that we are pulled towards. Most of the intentions, are the ones that I am already trying to live, locating myself on a land - is like an extension to this journey, it feels to me.

Sharing this with you because you have contributed so much to my life and work. And I seek to keep walking with you, over a long period of time.

Our teacher Humberto Matruana (in fact, our teacher's teacher ;)) would say - Whatever you choose in the manner of your living gets conserved for the future generations. So far over the last decade of living an aware life - the most important focus has been to live. I didn't want to just earn a livelihood I have wanted to live. What it has meant for me is to be witness to what is unfolding in life through me. I am also learning to come from a place of surrender to the life force that expresses itself through me. I have been trying to unlearn the conditioning of controlling my life to carve a certain path towards an already defined goal. Not that it isn't a worthy living, I have come to not align with that approach. 

So when I am feeling a feeling, I want to feel it. I don't want to get busy with work. For that moment, the work is to encounter the feeling truly. The hope is to not indulge in it (which is so hard) also not to ignore it - live authentically.

Hence, how I chose to live my days is perhaps how my life will turn out to be. The first intention as I see it is to live a regenerative lifestyle. In material terms, its to be living less wastefully. Living in a metro city - I realised its so hard to not waste. The fast food chains, the commutes, the hangouts, packaging, etc - doesn't feel all okay.  I don't know if I will be able to find belongingness to one piece of land - however all I can do is give an honest try. 

Connected to this intention is also the intention to de-abstract my life - I feel interacting with the world through technology (gadgets, numbers, sheets) abstracts my understanding of reality. I often begin to use concepts and frameworks to understand reality. It seems hard as to how that will shift just by living on a piece of land. However with living on a place, I hope the days look different - there's active engagement with nature.

Which is my next intention, to build my engagement with other beings: in a very practical way. I seek to tune into the ecological fields of others beings around us. I want to able to listen to bird songs, witness seasons, patterns of stars and I have a hunch that so much lies beyond the realm of human knowing. I want to feel reverence to this not-knowing. 

Over the years, it has brought joy to me in engaging with all disciplines - like education, health, psychology, biology, economics etc - of course not as an expert but as a lay-person. By taking this decision I hope to reclaim the space of common understanding of all aspects of life and take back many of these aspects from experts. Living a more holistic life - engaging with food more deeply, with health, with learning, with community etc - is a big intention. Simply put, I wish to live more fully. 

Does it all sound very personal? May be it is. I want to share the deepest personal yearnings here - not a project, not how this will change the world. Just a call that I have been receiving for many years. In writing this I hope move further in the process of heeding that call and taking the leap. 

Like I said earlier this journey isn't possible (for me) without a companion. We are walking this together. And she has her own amazing reasons and calls for moving to the land. 

There are many questions, how will Youth Alliance's path unfold in tandem with my/our decision. As a leader, is this choice a running away from arena? All I want to say is that it isn't a reckless decision or even a hasty one. There has been some thinking that has happened - however lot shall emerge when it actually emerges. 

Here are some aspects of the dream for the future that I/we are pulled towards - 

• Community living experiment - Learning to live in an intentional community based on a land, taking the work of building community of Youth Alliance further.

• Healing the land, healing ourselves - Working to regenerate a piece of land, by working with it. Growing a forest and a farm. In healing the relationship with the land perhaps we would heal ourselves.

• Transformative journeys - Working to let a space emerge, where journeyers can be hosted to short and long learning journeys deepening their inner work and commitment to social change work. A centre for exploration of living in harmony with nature

• Manifest Values of Youth Alliance in a physical space - How might we physically manifest the values of community, leadership, healing, service and inner work in a place?

There are several questions unanswered, or rather to be held. I am learning to hold the not-knowing with courage and take a leap. Right now, the place isn't decided, we are in the middle of the pandemic, financial sustainability of the place need to be figured out. 

Again Matruana would say, everything self-organizes around our manner of living - so perhaps it shall all emerge. With joy.